| My arm... |
[18 Dec 2007|01:57pm] |
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They cut out a piece of my arm about 20 minutes ago. I have 3 stitches. They are so WTF about what is attacking my skin that they cut a piece of it out. Well at least this one was someplace more conducive to cutting out.. and not like the ones that were under my arm. This is now $70 spent there... not including prescriptions... and I have to go back on the 28th again for a follow up... another $35... I'm not sure how much they are charging me to cut a piece of my arm out. Oh well... I still think it's MRSA.
On a side note... this is yet another time I was given local anaesthetic and it didn't really work. Anytime I've gotten a local anaesthetic it's never really numbed me... I guess it's a good thing I have a high tolerance of pain. To the defense of the lady cutting my arm... she did attempt to inject me several times with anaesthetic until I assured her it was normal and I was used to it.
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[09 Nov 2007|08:10am] |
"Finally, I'm letting go
Of all my downer thoughts
In no time there'll be
One less sad robot"
I went to highland last night and ended up sitting by this couple that were obviously on a date... both of them previously divorced. It was awkward and uncomfortable and I listened as they both told each other things that were obviously lies... or "extensions of the truth"... we all so desperately want companionship that we say and do some of the dumbest things...
It's also so great to witness a sweet moment between two people... I just wish there were more of those moments than awkward ones in the world. Humans are just a wreck... we're mental wrecks and we fumble and bumble around each other acting as if we have any god damn clue about socializing and/or communicating with each other... we portray all the wrong things to all the wrong people and all the good inside us goes mostly unnoticed... that is until we find the person that sees it... I guess I just would like to see more couples that make me feel like there are more happy meant to be together couples in the world than those that are just run of the mill relationships.
Some people are in love and want to get married.... and some people want to get married and so they 'fall in love'.... which are there more of?
On a side note I bought some danish last night at the store so at least I had some yummy breakfast. Haircut this weekend? Maybe.
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[07 Nov 2007|11:07am] |
It's cold out... not incredibly so... but it's the harbinger of the time of the year that is too cold for comfort... and of the holidays that traditionally never go well for me... colder weather means I get to wear clothes I'm typically more comfortable in... and I can't lie... I'm partial to hoodies... there is a temperature though that is more conducive to hoodie wearing than the cold cold winter temps we get here... it's somewhere between the 40 - 60 range. I feel like somehow I missed fall this year... except I'm not sure it was my fault... typically we get about a week of fall and spring in between the horrid summer and winter seasons... this year I think we skipped our one good fall week.
I still think about the pacific northwest... I even wore my shirt I got when I was there (aptly emblazoned with "Pacific Northwest") yesterday... I still need to get away from here... even if it's just for a little while... and I still hope someday I'll end up back in Oregon... even if it's just for another visit... I need money though for that to happen... I need money for a great many things... I feel sort of trapped here right now but I'm hoping for not much longer... I hope hope hope all unexpected bills have gotten themselves out of the way once and for all and I can ACTUALLY start saving money. I make too decent a salary not to have more money saved up at this point in my life... if i have to start living on a strict budget (which is funny because I spend about $20 a week on groceries every 2 weeks.. and I very seldom ever eat fast food) then so be it. I'll be as patient as I need to be to make things happen...
Being an adult right now seems synonymous with not being where I want in life... I'm hoping to change that.
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[28 Oct 2007|02:18am] |
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I'm not happy... but I would like to be.
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| i never ask questions... |
[04 Oct 2007|12:20am] |
Your Score: 6 - the Questioner Thanks for taking the test !
you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX (aka "The Loyalist").
"I am affectionate and skeptical"
Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family,
friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved
and timid to outspoken and confrontative. How to Get Along with Me
- Be direct and clear.
- Listen to me carefully.
- Don't judge me for my anxiety.
- Work things through with me.
- Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
- Laugh and make jokes with me.
- Gently push me toward new experiences.
- Try not to overreact to my overreacting.
What I Like About Being a SIX
- being committed and faithful to family and friends
- being responsible and hardworking
- being compassionate toward others
- having intellect and wit
- being a nonconformist
- confronting danger bravely
- being direct and assertive
What's Hard About Being a SIX
- the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
- procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence
in myself
- fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
- exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
- wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
- being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations
SIXes as Children Often
- are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and
stubborn
- are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
- form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
- look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
- are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent
SIXes as Parents
- are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
- are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
- worry more than most that their children will get hurt
- sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries
Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele
The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper
SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages
You liked the test?
so S P R E A D I T ! tell everyone!!!
(use Quick-Paste below)
you wanna know MORE?
so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type...
...even more you'll find in Google
or do you prefer to
You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose CY
Would you rather have chosen:
AY (EIGHT)
BY (FOUR)
CX (TWO)
CZ (ONE)
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| oh i don't know |
[27 Sep 2007|03:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
I think maybe I need a break.
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| headdd hurtttsss |
[23 Sep 2007|03:42am] |
My head hurts... bad bad headache...but in a weird spot that I can't really describe. I have some work to do here in about 15 minutes and I'll be up for a few hours at least. I kind of just want to sleep... and not alone... but with her.
I miss her.
I'll see here later today... and I need it.
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| circles |
[20 Sep 2007|11:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
] |
Do you ever feel like you've come full circle and wonder how it was that started out in one place... headed in a completely different direction.. and somehow end up right back where you started? I sort of feel that way :/ and it's not really a good feeling.
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| hello? |
[20 Sep 2007|12:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
Where did Steven go? If someone sees him tell him it's time to come home. He has an amazing family... some amazing friends.. and an amazing girlfriend that need and miss him.
Hello? Do I know you?
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| :) |
[18 Sep 2007|12:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hopeful |
] |
I am so so so incredibly in love with this girl. The prettiest most amazing girl I've ever met.
 always and forever and ever <3 |
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| ... |
[15 Sep 2007|11:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
. .... . .... .... . ..... .. .. ... ......
... . ... ...
... .. .. ... ..... .. .... .......
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| Ahoy |
[13 Sep 2007|06:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
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excited |
] |
I'm flying to Portland today... 3ish. I am pretty excited about it... I've wanted to visit Portland for like uhh... the last 5+ years? I've convinced myself possibly well before that even that I wanted to move to the Pacific Northwest. This trip will give me a better idea if that's true I'm sure. I'll be visiting / staying with my friend Adnan and his brother (+ his brother's wife + his niece). They are being super generous and letting me stay with them while I'm there. That is going to save me a TON of money. I can't stay too long though as I'm pretty much out of PTO time at work. I'm getting there 6:17 PM PST this evening and coming back 10:10 PM PST on Sunday.... so I get Thursday night there... Friday.. Saturday.. and most of Sunday. I'm getting back around 10ish Monday morning. I'm rushing home to shower and dress and come to work for half a day. I'm excited about that part the most. :P
I really really really am sad that Whitney can't come with me... I want her to be there and experience Portland with me as we've talked about moving there for grad school when she finishes her undergrad. Oh wells... she's sick this week :( which sucks because I wish I could be there to take care of her... but I can't... yet another reason to be frustrated that I still haven't found a job in Cape. Sigh.
Well this weekend should be quite the experience and I'm really looking forward to it.
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| I decided... |
[08 Sep 2007|01:02am] |
there wasn't enough pain in my life right now between th spider bites... relationship troubles... life in general... so I went and got another tattoo... another BIG tattooo.... good job me. It looks really good though... didn't finish it tonight... I was just way too worn out... I kept sort of falling asleep on the drive home... i'm tired to the point of ridiculousness....
good night
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| I'm trying |
[07 Sep 2007|12:01am] |
I'm trying... and I'm trying... and oh god we'll see what happens. This is important to me... so important I can't put into words. One way or another I want things to be okay. I would prefer it to be together... but there is love this time so great that I want the very best... even if it's not me... god I just hope it is though... i want to fix things and i want to be okay.
please?
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[06 Sep 2007|12:32am] |
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i'm not ready
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| falling |
[30 Aug 2007|01:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 anxious |
] |
up and down and over and under... things are falling... things hurt... some more than others... and i'm so tired... life has worn me down so hard... don't I deserve something good for once?... don't we deserve something good?... i'm waiting for things to stop falling... I can see through to the other side and everything is fine... everything is perfect... she's smiling and laughing and my face hurts from the same... life finally gives up and for once we both win... it's not too far off... we can make it if we both want it... we can make it if we both work for it... oh we can make it and for once we'll be happy no matter what and life will no longer kick us when we're down... and we will no longer kick each other
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| sleep |
[14 Aug 2007|01:05am] |
it's that slight roaring sound
when the lights go out
and the shades go down
when the thoughts start up
and the panic begins
what's tomorrow to bring
and how did this day end
it's this game we play
of living this life each week
one day one day one day
until its over and done
we get up and lie down
and do our best in between
we keep our heads held high
this day this time this moment
it's done it's gone it's over
the roaring sound subsides
one of the last fleeting thoughts
before your eyes close shut
i hope i did the best i could
i know i gave it my best shot
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| yeah I dunno |
[09 Aug 2007|11:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
I'm not sure what part or parts of today is contributing to it... but I feel an overwhelming sadness right now. I can't shake it and it just drives home all the things that aren't as they should be right now in my life... things I'm trying desperately to fix but have no direct control over. I'm presented with the option of staying awake and being depressed... or going to sleep and being that much closer to waking up for work tomorrow... which is entirely too depressing in and of itself. Sigh.
Yes this is an incredibly emo post. So shoot me.
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| this cough is ridiculous |
[07 Aug 2007|08:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
I still have this horrible cough that is quite obnoxious and I'm more than done with it... DONE. So this past weekend I drove back to Missouri to help Whitney move back to school. I got into town Friday and we gave her dad a Wii we bought him so that he would have something fun to do while he's laid up with his chemo. We got him Wii Play and Big Brain Academy thinking those are both games that don't require a lot of motion so hopefully he'll really like it. I took my Wii up there a few weeks back and he really really liked Wii Sports... so I know he'll at least play that... problem is it might be a while before he feels up to it. On Saturday Whitney, her brother, and I packed everything up and headed to Cape Girardeau and got everything moved in with very few trips to the cars. Whitney and I then spent the remainder of the day setting everything up and putting things away. We did take a short break to go see the new Bourne movie!! It's sooooo good. Go see it! We finished her room late Saturday night and then crashed. Sunday her dad and step mom came to visit to see her room (since he couldn't help her move he at least wanted to see her room and see her all setup at school before he got too weak to come) and we went out to lunch. They left right after that and we came back to her room and crashed.. we were both so tired. We woke up though just as tired or more so and both kind of sad knowing I had to leave soon. So it goes... for now.
P.S. no whitney I did not get you sick
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